That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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