Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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