shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
