Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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