I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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