So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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