My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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