i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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