I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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