Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
