Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
