I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
