I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
