i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
