Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the day after is always just damage control
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
