i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
