dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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