Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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