I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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