i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
