life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
