I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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