His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
