Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
