plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Cover your peen. We're going out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
