I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
