There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
