2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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