textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
