Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
