i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
