Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
