we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
