Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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