Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
