I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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