Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
