Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
