I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
