What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
