I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
