it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
