This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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