Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Im part way to drunk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
