I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When are your genitals available?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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