oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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