Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
