Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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