Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
