i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just took my morning after pill in the library
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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