My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
