my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
