Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
