so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
