I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
