You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
