as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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