ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
