how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think i have two assholes
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
