onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
