I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
