Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
