is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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