now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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