thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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