U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
