I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
