Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
