Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
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