he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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