All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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