When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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