Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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