your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
