I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
