420 ftw
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A bitchslap is in order.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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