Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
