I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
