I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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