True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
