hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
