Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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