Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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