So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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