I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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