I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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