didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
