i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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