Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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