my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
