halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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