your parents love me but you hate me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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