I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
